Kim Polinder

Every behavior has a history, and your reactions aren’t random. They’re learned patterns that made sense at one point in your life. My work as a relationship coach isn’t about fixing people. It’s about slowing down long enough to understand why those patterns exist in the first place.

Before coaching, I worked as an IT engineer. My job was to trace system failures back to the root cause. I eventually realized people operate the same way. If you follow the signals, the logic behind a behavior usually makes sense. I use a systems mindset, cognitive tools, and parts work to help clients see the stories that drive their moods, choices, and relationship dynamics.

The thoughts you repeat to yourself were learned somewhere. Beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll be abandoned,” or “I'm a failure” don’t come from who you are today. They come from earlier experiences that shaped how you see yourself. When you learn to question familiar thoughts instead of treating them as facts, they lose power. My role is to help you sharpen that lens for reframes.

In relationships, those old patterns show up fast. Maybe you shut down during conflict. Maybe you lash out. Maybe you over-explain to avoid disappointment. Maybe you retreat, get defensive, or freeze when emotion enters the room. These are adaptations and protective strategies built in environments where emotional safety wasn’t reliable. They were useful then, but limiting now.

I was born in South Korea, adopted into a conservative white Christian family in the Pacific Northwest, and grew up trying to solve a sense of belonging I didn’t have language for. That early instability shaped a lot of my own internal rules about connection and my value to others. My path into this work came from trying to understand why some beliefs felt true even when they weren’t accurate.

I believe people change when they understand themselves with clarity, not shame. My approach is direct, practical, and grounded in helping you make sense of your patterns so you can communicate better, choose differently, and feel more regulated in your relationships. If you’re ready to look at your behavior with curiosity instead of judgment, compassion instead of shame, we can start there.

Text/WhatsApp Polinder Coaching Group: +1-562-514-4282

Insurance: PCG does not accept insurance or provide superbills.